Tears And Fears
by Ray-Tiger-Cat
Summary: [Oneshot] Growing up is always tough. Witness Max try to confront his inner demons and deepest fears. Will he be successful?


RTC: Hello all! Well, this is another birthday fic, this time for my clone, Iluvbeyblade! Happy Sixteenth! (Whoa, is it just me, or does everyone seem to be turning 16 lately? Must be the fact that September-October is apparently the most common time to have a baby.) Anyhow, it's not a yoai-sorry hon-but that's not something I can seem to write, and I actually thought about it. Mind you, I can't really write serious romance of any sort, so that might be it. But I am torturing one of your favourite characters! 

Kai: Should I be afraid?

RTC: Nope! It's not you-this time!

Max: (Cowers in total fear.) Mommy, help!

RTC: (Evil grin.) MWHAHAHAHA! I'm torturing Max this time, hope you all enjoy. The idea popped into my head at some point this summer, and is based loosely on some of my fears. I love all my friends and I just don't want to loose you guys! (Had a close call recently, which really freaked me out!) Well, I dunno why I'm even asking my muses to do the disclaimer, must be force of habit, but whatever!

Daichi: We've told you in as many creative ways as we thought possible, but the bottom line is, Ray-Tiger-Cat does not own Beyblade!

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"It's okay, Maxie, we'll still be a team!" Tyson.

"There's still email and telephones." Kenny.

"We'll be back together after we graduate." Ray.

"You'll find something interesting to do at school." Hilary.

"Cheer up, Max!" Daichi.

"We'll still be friends." Kai. A rather uncharacteristically nice Kai.

But they're wrong. We might get back together, but things will never be the same again. I know, we were only going away to university in various countries, but it might as well been the end of the friendship. The team had decided that there was no way we could all be on a blading team while in different countries, dealing with university, and that we'd be too old to compete after we got out, so we'd been forced to retire from the game.

This was a choice that no one had any real say over, but did anyone ask me what I thought? Noooo. Because I don't want us to go our separate ways! Every time we do, something seems to go wrong!  
Everyone thinks I'm just a bit nervous about starting university in a new place where I don't know anyone, but that isn't really it. The truth is, I'm scared to death!

It's as though leaving beyblading is like leaving a large part of my childhood behind. It's something my life has centred around for years! It's all I know and all I want to know. I first picked up a beyblade when my parents were fighting. It was an excuse to get out of the house and a distraction for me. When they finally did get divorced, I sank into a depression so bad, I thought I'd never recover. I don't know why I turned back to blading, but I did and that kept those bad feelings at bay. It saved me from myself. How can I let it go?! And of course I can't explain this to anyone else-they'd think I was crazy for sure!

And then there's my fear that people will recognize me, but only see me as that kid that won the World Championships, not the young adult that can handle business studies. Of all of us, except maybe Daichi, I'm seen as the most innocent one. Who wants to be known as that?! Kai is tough and mature, Ray is responsible, not to mention diplomatic, Kenny is a brainiac, Tyson, well, he's the Champ and somehow this excuses his other faults, Hilary is a good student all-around, but all the fns and my teachers and my class mates only see me as Max Tate-innocent kid. The one that gets high on sugar instead of pot. Why don't they see that I'm capable?! That I'm growing up?! That I am not a child?!

And what if I'm wrong? What if that's all I am? What if I can't make it through school?! What if I don't even get accepted?! What then? Will I end up living in my parents' house forever?! I'm so scared I'm going to fail at this! My dad is scared that I'll be lonely in a new town and my Mom doesn't really want me to leave, so what does that say about their opinions of me? Don't they think I can make it on my own? But then, I'm afraid to admit that I'll probably homesick. I know I will. But it gives people the wrong impression. Why can't I just be me?!

And there's one thing I fear more than anything else: that my friends won't be my friends anymore. I mean, look at what happened with Alan. I was gone for just a year and a half and he decides that we aren't friends and steals from my mom's lab to beat me. And we were friends from the time we were in preschool; ten whole years! And I've only know the Bladebreakers for seven. So how far will we drift in the next four to six years? Will we even have anything in common anymore? We barely have anything in common at the moment, except for blading and soon that'll all be gone. The team will be a distant memory. What will I do then? Other than Alan, they're the only real friends I've ever had. And I'm afraid to loose them. No one else has ever known me as well, or be as accepting. But I can just picture a reunion a few years down the road.

Flash forward

"Hi Max, um what's up?" Tyson, not able to really meet my eyes.

"Not much, you?"

"Nothing. So, erm, yeah..."

"How are you, Ray?"

"Fine." Awkward silence. "Um, I think I hear Mariah calling!"

"Hey Kai!"

"Hn." He walks out. I look around to find Kenny to absorbed in his laptop to talk to and Daichi hasn't even shown up. Neither has Hilary.

End flash forward

Yeah, so you can see why I don't want this! I want my friends to stay my friends! I don't want us to become strangers. Blading has always been the glue that held us together, so what are we going to do when it's gone?

Someone once told me when you're down, there's nowhere you can go but up, but I don't agree. Things can, and probably will, get worse. There's no going back, when we're apart, we're apart and we can't go back in time, no matter how much I'd love to. So this is it. This is who I am: a lonely person that just wants to be that hyper, carefree kid again. How the mighty have fallen. I can't stop this. This is my fate and I'm just going to have to accept it and move on.

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RTC: Sorry, I know that wasn't my happiest piece yet, but angst is good, right?

Ray: (Opens mouth.)

RTC: Don't answer that! So, once again, happy birthday to Iluvbeyblade! Hope you're having loads of fun! And I really hope this didn't turn out as random and weird as I think it has! May there be more character torturing fun in your near future! (Glomps.) Oh and to get completely off topic (sorry!), if any of you want to see me write in some other fandoms to see which ones I'm considering, because I could really use a few opinions! Well, bye for now guys!


End file.
